Search This Blog, All Links Referenced In All Posts, & Paranoid Links At The Bottom Of The Page

01 April, 2009

The Truth About UFOs

By Robert Eringer, the Santa Barbara Investigator

You call them UFOs.

To PROSEKEEPS, they are IFOS—as in “Identified Flying Objects.”

What, you may ask, is a PROSEKEEP?

Official Washington D.C. loves its acronyms. This one is so highly classified, we’ll be surprised if goons don’t terminate this blog. It means “Professional Secret Keeper.”

Some files are so secret, the intelligence community will not share them, under any circumstances, with elected officials or political appointees--and will deny their existence, under oath, in court and before Congress even at the risk of imprisonment for perjury.

Here’s the reason: There would be too much temptation among public officials to use such intelligence for their own political purposes--or to profit in the private sector (the revolving door has never been so greasy since Brazen Bill occupied the White House).

One requirement for PROSEKEEP status is 20 years as a continuous employee in only one of several U.S. intelligence services. No exceptions. It doesn’t buy entry, just the first qualification.

The division that handles UFOs/IFOs—The Kalfayan Unit--has a Top Secret codename that changes every full moon. Very few PROSEKEEPS are cleared to access its files. The reason for this has nothing to do with panicking the population.

Most people today are familiar with the so-called “Roswell Incident.” It is ingrained within our popular culture, studied and commercialized. But for those who need a primer: An alien craft crashed into the desert near Roswell, New Mexico in early July 1947.

This is no major revelation; most people already suspect this to some degree.

Inside the craft were three beings. Two were dead and one barely alive. The U.S. Air Force was called to the scene. Not knowing what to do with the mess, they carted everything to their nearest base and locked it up in a hangar.

The CIA was still two months away from creation by The National Security Act of 1947. The Central Intelligence Group (CIG), its institutional predecessor, tried to step in and take command. But General Hoyt Vandenberg, deputy Commander in Chief of the U.S.A.F., who had three months earlier relinquished his job as CIG director to Roscoe Hillenkoetter, a U.S. Navy rear admiral, circumvented this. General Vandenberg did not want a navy-man to take control of what he considered an air force matter. But to give it some semblance of neutrality between the services, he turned to a trusted officer, Colonel Richard Park, Jr., to handle the matter—and to specifically keep Admiral Hillenkoetter out of the loop. (This embittered Hillenkoetter to the point that, years later--in 1960, he wrote to Congress expressing concern about UFOs.)

Colonel Park arranged for the lone survivor to be transported by air force jet to Fort Detrick—the U.S. Army’s Medical Research and Materiel Command—in Frederick, Maryland, where it could be quarantined pending toxicology testing.

For almost three months the creature was comatose.

On October 1st he awakened.

In the strangest dialect of English they had ever heard, he told his interrogator, Colonel Park, where he was from.

He claimed to be from planet Earth.

From Atlantis?


From beneath the North Pole?

Guess again.

He was not from Earth, as we know it.

This being was born in the year 2522. He and his craft-mates had apparently traveled from the future of our own planet.

In the 25th century--this creature eventually explained under duress--our descendants finally learn how to negotiate time warps. Something like, if you can travel faster than the speed of light, time runs backward, relating to Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity, and the pioneering of a scientist named Tipler.

Colonel Park and his assistant interrogator did not believe anything this creature (he called himself Kalfayan) told them. They thought he should have been from Russia or Mars, so his contention that he came from Nomerico, “one of 5 nations on Earth,” was met with incredulity and suspicion.

Kalfayan lasted about two weeks before relapsing into a coma—and died a week after that. An autopsy revealed that Kalfayan was a highly sophisticated robot with what we now know as “artificial intelligence.” His remains are kept in a Top Secret site near Washington called Tract 33.

A few years later, some of the events Kalfayan spoke about started to happen: Notably, the Korean War, the election of Dwight Eisenhower to the White House—and the advent of Elvis Presley.

The document resulting from Kalfayan’s interrogation quickly became the U.S. Government’s biggest secret: a 54-page Future History Book. It was transcribed from a reel-to-reel tape (since destroyed) by a CIA typist (since terminated), and locked in a vault.

The existence of this document prompted CIA director Walter Bedell Smith, in 1951, to create the PROSEKEEP system, on the basis that the intelligence community could not allow those elected to Congress to know about future events—not least because such persons do not know how to keep even their own sex lives secret.

Back to IFOs/UFOs: They continue to visit for the purpose of studying their past. Their occupants will never make contact because of the cause and effect such contact could have on their own lives. (Kalfayan was petrified by this notion, and opened up, deliriously, only after being injected with large amounts of Sodium Pentothol. Sadly, it was an over-dose of this “truth serum” that short-circuited the robotics and caused his fatal coma.)

A retired senior CIA PROSEKEEP who once gained access to the Future History Book told The Investigator, “Kalfayan accurately forecast the assassination of President Kennedy and 9/11. We were powerless to do anything to interfere because of a secret doctrine devised by our science and technology directorate preventing us from acting on what is in this book, in respect of cause and effect.”

It cost The Investigator three martinis to learn a few snippets about what the future has in store for us:

“In our lifetime, the gravest issue is going to be fresh drinking water, which will become very precious, and even more costly than oil. And speaking of oil,” the PROSEKEEP continued. “The need for oil among the great industrial powers will be so great, it will lead to unity in some parts of the world, invasions in other regions. For instance, the United States will merge with Canada to become Nomerico. China will take Iran and Iraq by force. India will take Saudi Arabia. People will live to be over 170, but eventually they’ll cap lives at 150, with couples allowed to have no more than one child. But the real problem for us is what will happen the winter equinox of 2012….”

Happy April Fool’s Day!

No comments:

Post a Comment